Have you ever sat down to dinner with a friend and thought, if I don’t tell them about the cute thing my cat did and what I what I ate for lunch and how I cannot stand Michele from marketing I might implode? Now imagine that everything you say has to go through a filter because all of your friends also pay your bills. Self-censorship is exhausting, especially when your instincts are to share, to conspire, to stay up until 3am drinking cocktails with names you’ve just made up. I’m exhausted.

I joke about being incapable of disguising what I really think, but here’s the truth: I’m fucking good at it. For 10 years, I worked at a job in which every day I had to lie to or evade questions from family, friends, and strangers alike. And at year 11, I couldn’t keep going. Being good at it was exhausting.

In 4 days, I will set off across the country in my CRV, the one that that my mom gave me a couple of years ago because I am privileged enough to quit a job that was eating away at me from the inside. A sensible person would be sad to leave and nervous about teaching in new spaces. I’m mostly contemplating the monthlong nap I’m going to take when I reach Corvallis.

Come visit. We’ll sample pinots while we make unsellable art and plot world domination. Because like I said, I just need a nap.

Workshop Tour Countdown

It’s a mere 9 days until I kick off a summer workshop tour en route to my West coast adventure. Two of the kitties (Lola and Penny) are now safely in wine country with my mom, and the remaining furball (Mia) is wondering where her siblings have gone. 9 days to figure out how to get the rest of my belongings in my car without turning it into a burglar thirst trap. 9 days to solidify workshop content and test out things on current students. 9 days to make sure I have places to stay and a car that is safe to get me there. 9 days to say so long to places, people, and roads not taken.

I’ve been in DC since 2002, right after finishing law school and clerking. 

2002 B.C. 

2002 Before. Circus.

Little did I know 

when here I stood 

what lay ahead. 

G&T in hand. 

I chose the other then, 

just as fair, 

but way led to way, 

and here I am.

                                                                                                  NamibRand Nature Reserve 2011. 

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